My Twenty First


My 21st birthday was on mother’s day, so I always knew I was going to spend it with her doing something.

We are extreme couponers in my house, and we actually managed to basically get a night free at a casino nearby, as well as get $40 in free play each.

We packed up the car and stopped by the liquor store on the way up for a bottle of tequila. My mom is from Texas and she only drinks tequila and drinks with tequila in it, and I am pretty sure drink preference is genetic, so that is what I drink now, only I also drink beer because I am an American and wine because I love Grey’s Anatomy.

We got to the hotel and dropped off our clothes, had a pre-made margarita and then hit the slot machines. I personally feel like I could be excellent at counting cards, only I have dyslexia of numbers, so I am stuck with slots and pulltabs. Ahhh, pulltabs, there is nothing more gratifying than ripping things up and winning $100. Anyways, my mom and I went out looking for slot machines and I had a favorite at the time called Kitty Glitter. I had never left the machine in the red.

I lost all of the fake $40 that I went in with that afternoon. Meanwhile my mom was right next to me winning. I made her buy drinks at our free dinner. She drank two more margaritas, I had a beer that was awful and was annoyed that I lost money. My mom started getting giggly and I knew she was tipsy. We went back out on the floor only for my mother to win more money and for me to lose more money. My mom rubbed it in my face, because everything is a competition in my family.

As I am helping her get her winnings she sits down at another slot machine while I am at the ATM and first I hear a burp and then the rest… My mom is not a heavy drinker. I do not think she can even qualify as a drinker. She might have a margarita wine cooler once every two years. So three margaritas in one night proved to be too much. I grabbed her and we ran to the elevators trying to avoid eye contact with anyone while she just laughed the whole way back to the room.

I laid my mom down in bed and she immediately got sick so I stayed up with her until she felt better. Then we both fell asleep watching an NCIS marathon.

I turned 21 with no buzz and less money than I started with that morning, but I forever get to hold my mother ruining my 21st birthday over her head.

She wins though because I broke her tail bone and pelvis when I was born. Ultimate guilt trip.

Love your mom, no matter what, because she dealt with you leasing space in her body only to be wrecked when you were evicted AND SHE NEVER GOT A SAFETY DEPOSIT, SHE JUST GOT YOU.

Love you mom!

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